


The Taste of Irony On Your Lips

by ElZacharie



Series: The Witch's Toy [2]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Humor, Light Angst, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Origin Story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-08-09 20:18:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7815688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElZacharie/pseuds/ElZacharie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Avery "York" Hargrove never would've thought the love of his life would be anything but human, but things change. He's not under his father's thumb anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Taste of Irony On Your Lips

**Author's Note:**

> this went way differently than it'd been planned like a month ago.
> 
> carolina and york are in a polyamorous relationship with north (in the main fic), but carolina doesn't feel the need to get married. carolina is also in a relationship with Kimball, who will appear in the main fic.
> 
> im very bad at writing
> 
> EDIT 8/25: changed boyfriend to son. not sure how i missed that.

“I want to marry your son, Mister and Mrs. Dakota. I love him with all my heart, and I want to be with him forever.”

Carolina yawned from the bathtub, resting her chin on the edge. “Too straightforward. Jerry would have a heart attack if you just ran at him and said that.”

York glared at his girlfriend through the mirror. “Ugh, how am I supposed to bring it up? ‘Hey, Jer-bear, Diane! What’s up? Oh, did you know, I’m fucking your son and I want to take him to the Vegas Quadrant to get dirty’?”

“I’m sure they’d appreciate that very much, Mr. Hargrove,” Dr. Church grumbled from the doorway, carrying Junior on his back and a cup of coffee in his hand. “Carolina, what have I told you about sleeping in the tub? You’re going to mess up your spine.” The cheetah grumbled unhappily as she climbed onto the tiles, muttering about how Junior still got piggyback rides, but gods forbid she sleep somewhere odd. “Now, York, why are you in my bathroom?”

He sighed. “I’m… trying to practice asking the Dakotas for North’s hand.”

The Director raised his brow at him and sipped his coffee. “You want to marry North? Why not just ask him yourself?”

“Because he’s a fuckin’ pussy,” Church grumbled into his father’s shoulder. Carolina snorted and York turned bright red.

“It’s a big deal, sir. I want to ask for North’s hand, but… his dad scares the shit out of me. I don’t want to do something that could possibly make him angry.”

“Pussy…” Church sang.

“Quiet Alpha. And York, Jerry is a very kind man, and he adores you. The entire family does—”

“You might as well be part of the mafia. See if they can smuggle in the new Cats of War game for me before it releases.”

“Alpha, I will let your sister throw you into the lake if you do not keep interrupting me. As I was saying, the Dakotas want nothing more than for North to be happy, and they would be more than willing to let you into the fold.”

“Why aren’t you marrying Lina, too? You know it’s legal to have multiple spouses; we’re basically a country in ours— DAD, NO!” Church dug his claws into his father’s shirt and yowled as the older man attempted to detach him from his shoulders. They were bound to wake up the other handlers with all the noise they were making, but York was thankful for the chance to have a laugh. It reminded him why he loved this place so much.

* * *

 “So, Yorkie,” Mrs. Dakota said with a sly smile, setting a teacup in front of York. “I heard from the grapevine that you had something you wanted to talk to us about?”

“Diane! Have a little tact! Can’t you see he’s shaking like a leaf?” Mr. Dakota laughed heartily and slapped York on the shoulder.

“Just having a little fun, deary.” Mrs. Dakota winked at York. “Leonard’s son told me to ask you about it, said it was important, but you might, ah… wuss out. He put it far more colorfully, however. He’s practically a clone of his father when he was that age.”

“You knew Dr. Church when he was 17?” York asked. Anything to get the spotlight off him.

“Yup; came to what would become part of Blood Gulch way back when. Not a big farm, but generations of Dakotas had been born there. That’s where he met his late wife, may she be at peace.” Mrs. Dakota bowed her head in a moment of silence.

“He was infatuated with Allison the moment they met; just like how you were with North. At least you can’t have a child out of wedlock, I should hope!” Mr. Dakota let out a loud guffaw and York feared for his life. Gods help him.

Mrs. Dakota, damn her sharp eyes, immediately noticed how York tensed at that last comment and touched her husband’s shoulder to quiet him. “Yorkie, you aren’t pregnant, are you? It’s alright if you are, it’s not uncommon for humans to identify as who they really are when they—”

“No, no! I’m not trans, Mrs. Dakota.” York rubbed his eyes and sighed. “Jerry, Diana… I… I love your son.”

“Not much of a secret,” Mr. Dakota whispered to his wife. She hushed him immediately, watching York with great interest.

“I love your son, and… I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I want to ask for his hand in marriage.”

The Dakotas cheered so loudly that York’s ears were still ringing when he proposed to North a day later.

* * *

“Has South RSVPed for the wedding yet?” North asked for the fiftieth time that week as they folded and sorted laundry.. “She got the letter, right? And your emails? And the voicemails?”

York kissed his fiance’s mouth to distract him. “She’s got another two weeks before the wedding. I’m sure she’ll come, she’s just busy at her new job.”

He didn’t look convinced. “She knows this is important to me. I always said that, when I got married, I wanted both of our families to be there.”

“But not my father, right?” York laughed, folding a silly graphic font t-shirt. “I’d kill that bastard myself if he tried to show up.”

Suddenly, North became very interested in finding the other half of the sock he was holding. York went pale.

“Babe… you didn’t…?”

“It was Mama’s idea!” he shouted in utter distress. “She’d already invited him when she told me about it, and he’s already on his way here! The Director said he’d run interference, but it’s rude to just uninvite someone when they’re—”

York grabbed North’s head and pressed it to his chest. “North, chill. I’m not angry. I’m…”

“Disappointed? Upset? Filled with murderous rage?”

“Well, yeah. I’m always ready for murder when I think about my father,” York chuckled, smiling when he felt North relax a little. “But he’s not gonna ruin this day for us, okay? This is our day, whether he likes it or not, and it’s going to be the best day of our lives.

* * *

The first time Malcolm and Avery locked eyes in an entire year was in the middle of his vows. The old politician had lost all his hair, finally, or simply gave up on trying to salvage what was left of it. His face was carved with wrinkles and locked in a permanent frown, and his age was only accentuated by his beautiful fourth wife— Phyllis? Sheila? He couldn’t keep up anymore. He didn’t smile when he met his son’s eyes, much less acknowledge his existence. York felt like a complete stranger to him.

Oh gods, he need to focus. Move onto the next joke. Don’t look that bastard in the eye again. “So, I know most of you have heard how I lost my eye— it was pretty big news for a little while, if I do say so myself— but I never told anyone what I said. It’s all bad, so I won’t get into it, but… there was one thing in particular that I can’t get out of my head.

“The last thing I said before I got hurt was… ‘I am going to eat your brother someday, and he’s going to be the best piece of beef I’ve ever had.’ Well, little did I know, I certainly ate him, but not in the way I thought I would.”

The audience laughed. Hargrove’s frown deepened. York tugged at his collar— when had it become so hot outside?

“If I had known as a child what I know now, I’d have realized that I was yelling that insult at the sister of my soulmate. If it wasn’t for her, I never would’ve met North. The pain was certainly worth it in the end.”

The crowd broke into applause and cheers. Hargrove simply glared.

* * *

“Avery.”

York nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of his father’s voice. “Governor Hargrove! I- I’m so glad you could make it, it’s an honor—”

“Shut up, Avery.”

His mouth snapped shut.

“As I’m sure you know, I do not approve of this arrangement in the slightest, but I am no longer your legal guardian, and I have no control over you. Had you married a human like I’d wished, I wouldn’t feel the need to do this.”

“What are you…?”

“I’m not finished. I’ve left all the paperwork with Dr. Church, and my attorney will be getting in contact with you after your honeymoon. From this day forth, you are no longer a Hargrove. I’m disowning you.”

York had been right. This was the best day of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> leonerdchurch.tumblr.com


End file.
